An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman ran into a bar and say to the bartender, “Quick! We need somewhere to hide. There’s a man trying to kill us!” The bartender…

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady,…

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your…

Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret…

Wanda’s dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the…

A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up…

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained. “These fairways seem to…

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass…

Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen had been longtime close friends. But being old-fashioned, each went to a retirement home of her own respective religion. It was not long before Mrs.…

This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man. ​I asked him how he ended up this way. He said: “Up until last week, I still…

A 90 year old man was attempting to shave his beard at his house with a razor. His hands weren’t quite as steady as they used to be and his…

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my…

One night four college students were out partying late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning, they thought of a…

Hud was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, “Grandpa, what’s that called…

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when…

Dan married a woman with an identical twin. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. “Tell the court why you want a divorce,” said…

A wise man said to his son, “My boy! When you accumulate the understanding to know why a pizza is made round… …to be put in a square box… …and…