Tag: funny

Daughter’s text to Dad: Daddy, I’m coming home to get married soon, so get your checkbook ready. LOU As you know, I’m in Australia and he’s in the US. We…

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.…

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came…

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.” The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?” “Yes, Father, it is.” “And who was…

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”…

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to…

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. I’m going to let…

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he…

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After…

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday. So during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in…

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father…

A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a…

Dave and his wife were working in their garden one day when Dave looks over at his wife and says, “Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt…

H – “Hello?” W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” H – “Yes.” W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are.…

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife; “Dear, there is something…

A woman goes into a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. The pharmacist is shocked and said “what do you need cyanide for?” “I plan to poison my husband”, she tells…