Tag: funny

Late in the night, Jim, a Marine, finally regained consciousness. He was in the hospital, in agonizing pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles…

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple’s house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch,…

Dan married a woman with an identical twin. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. “Tell the court why you want a divorce,” said…

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs…

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife suddenly looks across at him and speaks…

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of…

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The…

A Man and His Wife Are at a Restaurant and the Husband Keeps Staring at an Old Drunken Lady Swigging Her Gin at a Nearby Table. His Wife Asks, “Do…

A lady walks into a pet store. She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO The lady asks the pet shop owner, “Why so cheap?”…

Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I…

A little old couple in their eighties was sitting on the couch watching the Playboy movie channel. He looked at her and asked, “Do you think we can still do…

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” He asked his mother. “He…

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came…

Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral. As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I’m…

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and…

The little boy had been looking out of Westjet Airlines plane window on a flight from Toronto to Calgary when he turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs…

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home. Since the man’s…

One day a man decided to retire, so he booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.…

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.…

A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Beth, soon we will be married 30 years,…