Tag: joke

A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding… Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I…

A man celebrating his 100th birthday was asked by a reporter how he had managed to live so long: The man contemplated that question and looked over at his wife.…

An elderly man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose. “Why not?” asked…

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He…

Pam and Kate are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Pam pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it…

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you…

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo. Over there are the tennis…

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,’…

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well,…

60th High School Reunion. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class…

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman ran into a bar and say to the bartender, “Quick! We need somewhere to hide. There’s a man trying to kill us!” The bartender…

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady,…

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your…

Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret…

Wanda’s dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the…

A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up…

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained. “These fairways seem to…

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass…

Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen had been longtime close friends. But being old-fashioned, each went to a retirement home of her own respective religion. It was not long before Mrs.…

This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man. ​I asked him how he ended up this way. He said: “Up until last week, I still…